In Search Of Authentic Black Fatherhood - Burton Family Jewels

One of my dearest friends is weeks away from becoming a father. The other day he mentioned that sometime soon he'd like to have a real talk with me to get a sense of what he can expect and what he needs to be doing to prepare. I told him that there was nothing I could tell him and that he and his partner were as ready as any two people could be. I later thought about this answer and was dissatisfied.

While?I don't think fatherhood can necessarily be taught. I do think men in general, and Black men in particular should have a well from which to draw guidance before and during fatherhood.?But in thinking about what fathers do, how one fathers, and how one learns to father I came upon Authentic Fatherhood: A Traditional Yoruba African Understanding, an article by Abiodun Oladele Balogun.

Being a father among the traditional Yoruba entails embracing the complete duties of the fatherhood role, which include spiritual, moral, metaphysical, physical, and material responsibilities.?

According to Balogun fathers also provide emotional support, intellectual instruction, and must embrace the collective nature of their role by mentoring and guiding?all?of the children in their extended family network. He emphasizes dignity and the importance preserving a family's reputation.?For the Yoruba, to fail in any one aspect of this is unacceptable -?a lofty responsibility but I believe, accurate in its loftiness.

He acknowledges that today, most of us live in a context that is vastly different from Yoruba culture in its "pristine form." In light of dire economic realities the requirement that fathers meet their "material responsibilities" can be addressed by an ongoing commitment to achieving financial stability. In other words, fathers must always strive.

The central idea of the piece is that tradition and culture should be the singular driver of fatherly behavior.

Many [fathers] have ignored cultural and traditional understandings. This is because they incorrectly think that knowing and performing one's responsibilities as a father is a?personal?issue in which an individual's whims take privilege over cultural practices.

Again, context matters here. Cultural determinism is a totally sensible framework for people who remain in touch with their traditions. But African-Americans exist in a different context.?I would argue that for us, as a displaced people, living in an often hostile environment, performing one's fatherly responsibilities is very personal and indeed very political. I'm not sure I know what the African-American fatherhood tradition is at all. And if I did, knowing when to break with that tradition would be just as important as knowing when to follow it.

At the mico level I can say that I was born into a family with a healthy marriage and fatherhood culture. There are a few continuous traditions that I can identify across at least three generations.?The Burton men?have a tradition of emphasizing education. We?certainly have a tradition of choosing fantastic life partners, of being loving husbands, and involved fathers - all traditions which I will continue.

However, I can't think of many consistent rituals or rites that we have performed across more than two generations.?My wife and I certainly broke with tradition when we chose not to circumcise our son. I wrote about this decision in a?previous post. There was a small amount of tension when I discussed our decision with my parents. My mother revealed how traumatic it was for her as a spectator, and how traumatic she believed it was for me as an infant.

Our metaphysical and spiritual traditions have undergone significant change as well.?My father was raised in the Black Church, which for many is the central institution of African-American tradition. He left the church in his 20s to pursue Ifa, an African traditional religion practiced by the Yoruba people, among many others across the world.

His father named him John Robert Jr. But in the 1970s, during the Afrocentric, Black Nationalist, cultural awakening he broke what might have been a naming tradition and took on an Arabic name that was given to him by a mentor.

My names arose from a Yoruba naming ceremony performed shortly after my birth. ?One of them was chosen to be the new family name which, when I was ready, would replace the family slave name.?I passed this family name down to my son, but for now, have decided to keep my slave name in tact. People often find it funny that my long, regal, African name concludes with a common Ango surname. I think it perfectly orients people to who I am, and references the central contradiction of African-American-ness.

In keeping with our new tradition we had a naming ceremony for our son. He received four names. All of my given names are Yoruba but each of my son's names are from a different country - South Africa, Guinea, Nigeria, and America (by way of Britain).

What I will tell people from now on is that they should continue those traditions which were empowering for them, release all that which was stifling, and be open to incorporating outside traditions and practices that resonate with their vision for authentic fatherhood.

Source: http://www.burtonfamilyjewels.com/2012/08/in-search-of-authentic-black-fatherhood.html

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